“12 Days of Christmas” Lyrics
[Bob] On the first day of Christmas
my true love gave to me: a beer
[Doug] On the second day of Christmas
my true love gave to me two turtlenecks
my true love gave to me two turtlenecks
[Bob] And a beer. (Okay…)
On the third day of Christmas
my true love gave to me: three French toast
my true love gave to me: three French toast
[Doug] Two turtlenecks,
[Bob] And a beer. (Okay…)
[Doug] There should be more there, eh?
[Bob] Where? On the… go.
[Doug] Fourth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: four pounds of back bacon,
my true love gave to me: four pounds of back bacon,
[Bob] Three French toast
[Doug] Two turtlenecks
[Bob] And a beer
[Doug] In a tree. See, you need more
[Bob] Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden touques!
[Doug] Four pounds of back bacon,
[Bob] Three French toast
[Doug] Two turtlenecks
[Bob] And a beer, what was it?
[Together] In a tree!
[Bob] Okay, on the sixth… go
[Doug] Of Christmas, my true love gave to me, six packs of two-four
[Bob & Background Singers] Five golden touques!
[Doug] Four pounds of back bacon,
[Bob] Three French toast
[Doug] Two turtlenecks
[Bob] And a beer
[Together] In a tree!
[Bob] Okay
[Doug] Okay
[Bob] On the seventh day of Christmas
my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes
my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes
[Doug] Nice gift…oh, six packs of two-four
[Background Singers also sing] “nice gift”
[Background Singers also sing] “nice gift”
[Bob & Background Singers] Five golden touques!
[Doug] Four pounds of back bacon
[Bob] Three French toast
[Doug] Two turtlenecks
[Bob] And a beer
[Together] In a tree!
[Bob] Right, I keep forgetting
[Doug] Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas
it’s too hard for us!
it’s too hard for us!
[Bob] Um…
[Doug] Go, hoser
[Bob] Oh
[Together] Eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
[Doug] Eight comic books
[Bob & Doug and the background singers] Seven packs of smokes, six packs of two-four
[Bob and Doug don’t keep up with the background singers and quit singing]
[Bob and Doug don’t keep up with the background singers and quit singing]
[Background Singers] Five golden touques!
Four pounds of back bacon
three French toast
two turtlenecks
Four pounds of back bacon
three French toast
two turtlenecks
[All] And a beer
[Doug] On my tree!
[Bob] Yeah. That beer’s empty.
Okay. Day,
[Background Singers] Twelve!
[Bob] Uh, twelve
[Doug] Good day, and welcome to day twelve
[Background Singers] Five golden touques!
[All] Four pounds of back bacon
three French toast
two turtlenecks
and a beer, in a tree!
three French toast
two turtlenecks
and a beer, in a tree!
[Bob] Beauty, eh?
[Doug] Where’d you learn to do that?
[Bob] Uh, albums.
[Doug] Boy. So, like, that’s our song, Merry Christmas
[Bob] Merry Christmas!
[Doug] And good day!
[Bob] Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too.
Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?
Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?
[Doug] What?
[Bob] Donuts – I told you to get me donuts!
Either on the ninth day or the tenth day,
or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!
Either on the ninth day or the tenth day,
or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!
[Doug] Okay, the song’s over.
[Bob] But I want…
[Doug] Merry Christmas, everybody!
[Bob] Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.
[Doug] So, go out to the stores, and get some presents
[Bob] You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop
where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free,
and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas
where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free,
and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas
[Doug] Well, next Christmas, I’ll get me a chainsaw
[Bob] Take off!
[Doug] Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me
[Bob] Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven
[Doug] Wha-?
